(after typing this, I realize that it quickly just degrades into a huge vent, so, just a little heads up.)
Now, continuing from the last one, I'll be fine. This is because...well, I'm just not that sad. Now, I know that sounds terrible and completely fucked up, but hear me out here. I'm just not sad. I hate myself for it, but I'm not. Whenever stuff like this happened when I was little, I would be bawling my eyes out, but over time, I guess it just slowly started affecting me less and less. Now, whenever shit happens, I don't feel any different from normal, and I FUCKING HATE IT! I almost never feel sad, angry, or happy! I DON'T FUCKING WANT THAT! I'M FUCKING TIRED OF BEING SO GODDAMN UNEMPATHETIC! Whenever this happens, I don't even feel human! I feel like some heartless, EMOTIONLESS BASTARD!! All the time, people ask me why I'm like this, and I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHY! AND I CAN'T EVEN FIX IT! I"M STUCK BEING THIS EMPTY FUCKING ROBOT FOR THE REST OF MY GODDAMN LIFE!! I just want to be FUCKING NORMAL for once! FOR ONCE!
I think that the worst part is that I know how I'm supposed to feel, but I just can't; I know how I'm supposed to act, but I just don't. So I do just that, I act. I fake it. I'll act like I'm sad, or happy, or anything else, but it's all FAKE! I do it just so that maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to seem normal, to not seem like some sort of machine...
But that's all I really am, a machine, a sociopath. And I'll always stay that way, whether I like it or not.
So, don't worry about me, I'll be okay, worry instead about the rest of my family, they'll be the ones that it actually impacts.
Listening to: Music
Reading: The same books over again
Playing: Getting back into Halo